Chris Murch on Sobriety: From 72‑Hour Bender to 16 Months Clean
Three hours fun, forty‑eight hours fog.
I just sat down with Chris Murch aka Nigel Roxbury
NYC creator behind Dumb Hot; 16 months sober after a 72‑hour binge.
In this episode you’ll learn
Why a 3‑hour buzz costs 48 hours of fog and lost output.
Relapse as part of recovery—and how to use it. (19:09)
Scripts to beat peer pressure and five sober date ideas. (21:44, 25:20)
We dive into the details later in the conversation.
Timestamps
00:00 Intro
02:35 The Turning Point: Choosing Sobriety
05:33 Idols and Self‑Sabotage
08:04 The Daily Struggle with Temptation
11:08 Family and Genetics of Addiction
13:40 Transformations in Sobriety
16:34 The Illusion of Substance‑Induced Success
19:09 The Power of Choice and Relapse
21:44 Navigating Peer Pressure in Sobriety
23:30 The Journey to Sobriety
25:20 Navigating Sober Dating
28:21 Creative Date Ideas for the Sober
30:02 The Social Dynamics of Sobriety
32:39 Coping with Social Anxiety
36:32 Reflections on Sobriety and Personal Growth
42:03 The Meaning of Life and Sobriety
Listen
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Here’s the full transcript:
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (00:00.11)
April 18th, 2024, it was a 72 hour bender. I didn’t see anyone. I isolated myself and I just drank and drank and drank. I had a negative bank account balance and I was at the lowest point I’ve ever been mentally and physically. But over the past 16 months that I’ve been sober, my life has got infinitely better. We are here with Nigel Roxbury. Nigel Roxbury. Welcome to DumbHot. Nigel. A content creator and so much more from New York City. In those 72 hours, what were you trying to achieve? I was really attracted
to chaos. I thought it was cool to be the guy that lived a sick life and died young. What do you think if you were to play devil’s advocate would be the downside of going so? I would say. Welcome to that one time with Adam Metwally, the podcast bridging the gap between health, hustle and happiness. We’re at podcast for a while in Chelsea, New York City, and I’m with Chris Merch, a.k.a. Nigel Roxbury.
What’s up, everyone? Thanks for having me, Adam. Of course, man. So today I want to talk about going sober. So you said previously, I’ve never fully blacked out, only browned out during nights of drinking, which seemed like a badge of honor in 2022. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. So with your reputation and content success being extricably linked to New York City and nightlife culture at that time, what was the moment that you realized you needed to make a change?
I went on an extensive bender. Really the bender was about six to eight months long, but if we’re taking it in the micro, it was a 72 hour bender where I didn’t see anyone. I isolated myself and I just drank and drank and drank and did other things. And by the end of it, I had a negative bank account balance. My mom had called me seven times, very worried. I slept through a work day.
All of these things, right? All of these like hyper negatives. basically the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. And that’s what I was doing to myself. And I was at the lowest point I’ve ever been mentally and physically. I was known for like bailing on my friends. I had ruined relationships. I had really ruined a lot of the good that I was producing in my life because I was a pretty high functioning addict.
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (02:24.0)
I was able to- dangerous ones because you for so much further. Yeah. you don’t necessarily, you don’t see anything wrong and no one else sees anything wrong. Right? Because I was successful on social media. I had a job. I had money coming in. People seemed to like me. Girls seemed to like me. All these things. But I was destroying myself very rapidly. And it got to a point where I had just hit a rock bottom and it was so deep and dark for me in that moment.
and I had a decision to make. It was either keep doing this and risk potentially your future success and a young death and keep disappointing the people in your life or make a change that can bring you stronger life, stronger health, stronger friendships, stronger relationships and just become a better person basically. And I chose the latter and it’s the best decision I ever made. So in those 72 hours,
What were you trying to achieve? What did you want? Cause there’s gotta be some motivating factor. Like what were you wanting out of that experience? I was always attracted to people that self sabotaged their lives. So like Jim Morrison from the doors, like Ernest Hemingway, Jack Kerouac, right? These people that shown so brightly early on in life. And then
were deceased by a young age or drank themselves to death or committed suicide. Kurt Cobain, you know, another example, I was really attracted to chaos from an early age. I thought it was cool. I thought it was cool to be the guy that lived a sick life and died young. River Phoenix, you know, another example. So what I was trying to do in that moment is I probably, you know, I’ve tried to think about that. Really, I think it was just my addiction saying, keep going, keep going, keep going.
as opposed to what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? And I was thinking at my life at that point that I was doing the things that my idols did that my, know, John Michelle Basquiat, right? He was such a huge partier, but he was successful in what he did on the outside. I was successful in what I did too. And he was able to do all these things and you know, yeah, he died at 27, but like, look at the legacy left behind. Right. And I was like, Oh, you know,
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (04:47.938)
man, I’m doing all these right things. I’m doing all these things. I have a job. you know, people like me, yada yada, but I just couldn’t sit with myself in a sober mind. I couldn’t like, when I was sober, I would, I would be happy for like, you know, let’s say I drank Thursday through Saturday.
slept all of Sunday, Monday felt like crap, Tuesday you feel better, Wednesday you’re on top of the world, but then Thursday it’s time to get the party going again, right? That Wednesday I would feel amazing. Everything would be, you know, the world was at my feet basically, but then I would ruin it again, even though I thought the world was at my feet when I was out at night interacting with people I don’t necessarily care about, people I’ll never see again, girls I’ll never talk to again, all these things. So it really was just an extreme form of...
self-sabotage, but in the moment it felt right, if that makes sense. Do you think your idols that were self-destructive, do you think they were successful because of the addiction or in spite of the addiction? In spite. You can look down the line and it is in spite of the addiction. They have a talent that largely was wasted. A really good example is someone like Jack Kerouac. Jack Kerouac wrote a lot, published a lot.
but by the end of his career, wasn’t writing, died at 45 or like either 45 or 49 due to a hemorrhage because he literally drank himself to death, Like extensively published in his life and then obviously after death as well and thought of as one of the leading writers of his generation, but he could not live with himself and if he wasn’t drinking.
And you can look, you know, mean, think about the lives cut short, the Mac Millers of the world, the Jimi Hendrix’s, the, you know, who else? You could just go down the 27 club line and the self-sabotage is so rampant and their lives and obviously careers are so cut short. Frankie Lyman was the example I was trying to think of where drugs, alcohol or mental health issues just destroyed.
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (07:04.994)
whatever they had and destroyed their fans and friends and family around them as well. It is always, don’t let anyone tell you that they’re a better anything when they’re intoxicated because it is simply untrue. You said in the rapid fire that, and do you think this today, you think about alcohol daily? Is that still a thing that happens? Yeah, I think about alcohol daily. What do you think about? I think about, okay, so.
you know, New York City, I’ll see a couple or a group of friends outside at like a bar when I’m like biking down or walking past them. And I’ll think, man, I did, I had some good times doing exactly what they’re doing. Maybe I could do it again. Was it the drugs or the relationship? It’s the camaraderie that you feel when you guys are all doing the same thing, which is drinking.
a lot of my friendships were based around drinking and being messed up with each other. Right. But then you think about having one sip of an alcoholic beverage and how for me, if I had the one sip, the one drink, my life would change again forever. And it’s, I know that sounds daunting, but for how I drank, because I wasn’t the alcoholic that woke up and needed a drink. was, I was once I started,
I could not stop. And there was always that urge to do so because I always felt like I, as the addict was in the right and deserved to do that. Right. I was very much like a rewards based drinker. I made it through a week of work. Boom. I can go out this weekend. I did something. Well, something, you know, popped off on social media. Let’s go celebrate. Right. Now.
I just can’t engage with it because I have such a good life right now, such a robust life that why risk, you know, anything like that. Like I’m going to the U S open later today, right? The honey deuce, super popular, right? I’ve never had one cause I’ve been sober since I’ve gone to the U S open, which is just the last two years. But yeah, it would be great to be involved in the like comradery of everyone having a honey deuce around me. And I’m sure they will. But if I have that one,
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (09:24.536)
then I’ll have 17 that I won’t care about anything in my life for the next few days. The wedding I’m going to this weekend, the whole nine, I mean, I’ve gone to multiple weddings now, multiple bachelor parties, all sober. And all I see is my friends struggling in the morning, hating life. Yeah. And then they have fun when the drunk is, up again, but then, you know, they are feeling terrible by Sunday, all these things. And I never want to feel that way again. It is a much better life. I used to live like this.
like a roller coaster, now I’m here and I can go here and I can go here, but I’m never here. And that’s way better being, it’s way better being in the middle than extremely high or extremely low. So it seems like you have an addictive person. my God, it’s ridiculous. Have you thought about where that’s come from?
Family. You look at my family, addiction is rampant in it. Do you think it’s just a biological imperative? I think it’s definitely biological based on, you know, the- Is that a thing? Oh yeah, absolutely. Genetics plays a huge role in addiction. Huge. So my mother is 40 years clean. Her father had an addiction to alcohol. My dad’s dad had an addiction to alcohol. My dad struggled with it a little bit as well. It is rampant in my family.
and both me and my brother are now sober. So, and it’s about, okay, I didn’t really know about the genetic alcoholism thing. My mom would like try to tell me, but I would just ignore her until I like did my own research. And I was very self-aware of what I was doing to myself from like the age of probably 24 on, but I just didn’t care. I didn’t think it was time to quit because I was still young and hip and people liked me, but it got to a point where my life became unsalvageable. What I was doing to myself was just so unhealthy.
that something needed to change. So if you weren’t young and hip and people liked you, you think you would have quit earlier or you would have moved into more alcohol to numb the fact that you weren’t young, hip and people liked you? Yeah, you what’s funny is I was just a social drinker until like the age of 27. And then I would start to drink alone and do other things alone. And then I started self-isolating a little bit more. And I think if
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (11:42.634)
My relationships had been affected earlier on or I was just a bad drunk earlier on. I probably would have because I had no reason to stop for a long time. Again, girls liked me. My friends enjoyed my presence while intoxicated. I was the jokester of the party. I loved talking to people. There was no external reason for me to stop. It was only internal.
And then it just got worse and worse and worse. again, doing the same thing, expecting different results. That was me to a T where I was just, and it just continued to get worse and got to a point where I had to stop or I was going to die young. That’s like really like how dramatic it got. I read a book recently called, Outwitting the Devil by Napoleon Hill. I found it really interesting in regards to addiction.
It’s probably something really interesting that you could read as well. I found it fascinating. It’s kind of been bouncing around in my brain recently. What’s it about? It’s basically the idea that you need to have control over your urges because your urges are the form of the devil working in your life. that makes sense. And this idea, it’s a different quote, but the devil doesn’t tempt you with
Broccoli. Right. Yeah. Like a string bean would be great. Yeah. The devil really likes you to go down a dark path. And I chose to go down it for well over a decade. man, fuck you devil. I’ll be out of that. Honestly though, it seems like it’s control. It is some form of dark control over you. If you really go down to the court, you see people behave in ways that...
and not them like they’re almost possessed. They’re literally possessed. If you think about it. Yeah. That’s, that’s how drugs can really hold you. The thing with drugs, right? Is it’s a mental and physical dependency that can get you. It is all encompassing as a toxin to yourself as a, to humanity really. So I man, yeah. The devil grabbed a hold of me for, don’t really believe in like,
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (14:05.455)
heaven, hell, devil, God, it, you know, if the concept of the concept of something grabbing you and controlling your life is very real. And it did for a long time. Well, the concept of, if you want to not approach it as like a religious concept, the concept of like God and the devil can also be, can also be considered as a concept of light and dark, the concept of good and bad. It’s, it’s, it’s the polarity in everything we do. So
it does exist in so many forms. And that darkness can be really, really powerful. It can really, impact you. anyway, that’s slight digression. Outwitting the devil? Outwitting the devil. I’m going to check that out. solid book. So you marked one year sober on.
18th of April, 2025, right? Yes, 2025. have it tattooed on me in Roman numerals like a douche. yeah, April 18th, 2024 was that first, that Monday where I was just like, I gotta do something, Yeah. So in concrete terms, what changed the most in your health relationships and career this year? Give us three measurable shifts that you felt and able to track.
The one thing I’ve been saying when people ask about this is my whole life when I was using, was taking, take, take, take. Now in sobriety, I’m able to give more. I’m able to give more of my time. I’m able to give more of myself. I’m able to give more of my wit, my conversation, my ears. Really, like I’m able to listen a lot more. Really all I cared about was myself. Being an addict is an incredibly selfish thing to do.
Right. But it’s also kind of a selfish thing to realize you’re an addict and get sober as well, because you need to break yourself down as low as you possibly can be, which is where you are to build yourself back up. Right. So that’s that’s definitely one of them. Two is the energy that you will feel from others in your social interactions as a sober person at first will be daunting and tough and scary.
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (16:19.522)
But you walk away from any of those interactions so much better because you’re not gonna have regret over what you say unless you’re an asshole or dumb or whatever. You know, don’t have those Sunday scaries, right? You can make the impression that you want to make with them. It is not the alcohol or the drugs that is...
swaying what you’re saying. It is your conscious decision and effort to utilize your conversational skills to interact with however you want, interact with people however you want. And then the other thing is, is that I’ve seen is that I feel emotions like I’m a fifth grader again. And yes, I’m on Zoloft, which can
dampen emotions a little bit, but I think for me, it’s actually helped me be able to process my emotions a little bit better because it slows me down. Everything when I was an addict was fast moving, chaos, chaos, chaos, fun, fun, fun, chaos, chaos, deathly lows, crash, crash. And the crashes were really tough and fast moving and horrible, right? So I’m feeling emotions and I’m able to process them so much better.
feeling glee, I’m morose at times, right? I’m, you know, ecstatic, jubilant, all these, you know, different adjectives. And it’s great to feel those emotions again and not be, you know, you have a bad day at work, you drink that night to forget about it, right? Well, I can’t do that. So I got to externalize it and say, okay, well, why was it a tough day? Work through those steps.
and come to a conclusion for myself. I mean, the other thing is, like, have to be so honest with yourself. I hate people that can’t admit they’re wrong ever. And there are people like that in the world. And for me, in sobriety, you have to self admit when you were in the wrong, the right, whatever, internalize that and move forward. And I’m really grateful for sobriety for that reason, especially. OK. So Brendan Novick.
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (18:36.885)
He once said sobriety has given me what drugs and alcohol promised. Yeah. What do you think about that? I think that’s like one of the more truthful things that I’ve heard and shout out Brandon Novak. I’ve done extensive like YouTube video watching and reading about his story as well. You know, what, drugs and alcohol promised to me was girls would like me. I would be more outgoing. I would be,
I would write better. I would act better. would do anything that was, was, maybe not being an athlete better because you know, that doesn’t really help, Depends on the drug. Yeah, I guess so. Right. I, promises you the world and it promises you the heights that you want to achieve as a child. But all it does is just keep cutting away at that potential that you have in your future that you have. It may not, in
the beginning and you may not feel that in the moment when the substance is consumed, but it will always come back to bite you. And you know, now I have, you know, the show Dumb Hot, which I created while I was sober, I would have never been able, you know, and I always thought, oh, while I’m drinking, I’m much funnier and much everything and all these things and much more outgoing in public and all these things. Now I have to be outgoing and witty in public all the fucking time with the show. And there’s
no way I could do it intoxicated. It would be an absolute nightmare. There’s no way I could be a good person while doing it. There’s just like, there’s no way I could live the life that I have right now while drinking. And you you would think in the past that drinking and drugs would, would help you be that more outgoing person, but it took away a lot of it for me. And you know, again, I was isolating by the end of my usage and all these things. And so, yeah, just,
feel so much better in every capacity nowadays. seems like confidence is a muscle that if you externalize to a substance, you don’t build the muscle yourself. Yeah. It’s chemically given to you in the moment. And then when you’re done, it’s taken away tenfold. Because then, you go, you party. The way I like to look at alcohol now,
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (21:00.118)
and why, and this is a common thought when I think about alcohol is, okay, cool, you’re gonna have fun for three, four hours while drinking, and then you’re gonna feel like shit for 48 hours. So just math-wise, it doesn’t make any sense for anyone’s life, right? The older you get, the worse your hangovers are gonna get. Stealing happiness from tomorrow you’ve had before. exactly. I’ve heard that before many times. That is a key thought that I have constantly when I’m like, man, it’d be nice to have that Aperol Spritz right there, you know? And frankly, if I...
was able to have one or two drinks and go home and feel fine, I’d still be drinking. But knowing myself as an addict and this where that self-awareness comes in, I can’t. And while on its face, it’s kind of unfortunate, you know, as someone who used to do those things a lot, it’s, it’s honestly, my addiction is the best gift that I’ve ever received in my life because it has given me this current life that I live. And, you know,
that valid life experience that I had while drinking, like I had a lot of fun and there were definitely some good times and I met a lot of good people through it. And I don’t regret, you know, I regret certain moments, but I don’t regret the trajectory of my addiction because now it’s given me what is this like beautiful life that I have right now. Well, I mean, I guess you’ve, there’s survivorship bias in that though. yeah, for sure. It’s getting sober is...
while it’s the best thing I’ve done, it’s also the hardest thing I’ve done. And it takes, I tried to get sober twice before, know, didn’t stick. It doesn’t stick for a lot of people. And sometimes it doesn’t stick for life, you know, and it can drag them down and beat them down and cause untimely deaths and all these things. And so, yes, I have this bias, but, you know, it’s outwitting that devil, like you said, being able to have the active thoughts of,
wanting to go down that road again every single day and saying no is a powerful, powerful feeling. The most powerful feeling you can have, powerful than any other, than any drug you could ever imagine. On the point of relapse, there’s a saying the relapse is part of the recovery. What are your thoughts around that? I agree completely. The two times I got sober, I went like 35 days one time.
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (23:18.862)
Uh, didn’t do AA, didn’t do therapy, just white knuckled it. Obviously didn’t work. did 55 the next time, tried to do a little AA, didn’t work, white knuckled it, went back. Um, and I, and each time I went back harder because I was like, Oh, 55 days word. I’m, I’m like healthy. I’m healthy now. I worked on my brain for those 55 days. I worked out a lot, you know, all these things. so, um, relapses happen.
I would say if someone’s going through it and they do, don’t let it get you down. Make sure you remember how you feel in that moment. Remember how much pain, whether that is like physical pain, AKA a hangover or mental strain, because here’s the thing, no one regrets getting sober. It’s impossible to regret it because it’s so great. I mean, genuinely. And so, but everyone will regret a relapse.
Right. You may not. You may have, let’s say you relapse and you have a great night. You hook up with the girl you’ve always wanted to. All your friends think you’re funny and witty. All that. That feeling will not last. I promise you. And so you take how you feel in the moment where you’re the lowest again and use that to make sure that you don’t get back there. Just quickly though. I love doing these podcasts. If it’s positively impacted you in some way and you would like to support us, please subscribe.
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as we continue to grow the podcast that we absolutely love doing. Thank you for your support and I’m back to the episode. For somebody listening who would love to go sober but really struggles with peer pressure, what are your responses? What are the responses you use when people push strings on you? They’re not real friends. Those are not the people that you want in your life. Talk to me about that. So I have an interesting experience because when I got sober, all my friends were like, thank God.
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (25:43.118)
Like all my friends were like, thank God you got sober. You needed to be so bad because I tell you that beforehand. They, they were supportive when I did it the first two times. And then when I went back, they were like, Oh man. But they weren’t necessarily like sitting me down. I never had like the intervention style thing because again, on the surface, my life was good. Right. But so I didn’t necessarily have the peer pressure experience. What I will say is you have to be very upfront.
and honest about your experience with drinking, right? You have to let the people in your lives know whether they have seen it or not that, hey, I can’t drink because if I do this, this, and this will happen. I joke about my sobriety all the time. I’m like, yeah, born old Chris, back at the party, you know, like all these things. I deal with things with humor. But I would say deal with your sobriety with the utmost honesty to yourself.
and to others. And if they are still pre-pressuring you, they’re not your friends. Get away from them. Because a real friend wants you to be your happiest and your best at all times, as best as you possibly can be. And if someone’s like, man, come on, bro, do this line with me. They are the insecure ones who need that comfort in everyone around them doing the same thing they’re doing, which is destroying themselves, basically. Because alcohol and cocaine are just too
forms of poison, basically. one, no one drinks and does Coke until they’re 90. People could drink until they’re 90, but no one’s like doing drugs like until they’re late age. And you know, so, I, yeah, you have to be honest. And if, and if it still happens, get rid of them. How’s dating going? Dating’s interesting. Sober. I would say when I first got sober, it was a little bit
more difficult because when you were drinking and you want that fulfillment of having female attention, you can go to a bar and you can get it right when you’re sober and you don’t want to be in those situations. Some people get sober and still go out all the time. I was not like that. That’s where I’m at. Yeah. And you’re, you’re great at that. And it’s somewhere you’ve been sober longer than I have. like, think I’m getting better at it. it takes a lot of time, especially for me, the way I partied, but
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (28:09.71)
When it comes to dating sober, again, honesty being very upfront is very key. I would say doing activities outside of the normal date structure, the dinners, the drinks, get, get moving around, go on a walk. Um, I go mini golfing, go bowling, be active. I would say is, a big key. then, mean, bowling is an ick apparently though. Is bowling an ick? Apparently.
Well, you need okay. Bowling is an X. You have to be bad at bowling. You can either be good at bowling or good at sex. You can’t pick two. You can’t pick both. Um, and luckily I’m a horrible at bowling. Um, but I would, I would say, and I know you’re asking about my experience for somebody listening that is single and sober. How can, how can you approach it? I, my story is a little bit different because I have a presence on the internet. So I’m able, have cloud.
I know there’s not really a great way to say it. That doesn’t sound conceited, but I have the ability to reach out to people through the interwebs. And if it’s in a flirty way or if it’s to do my show or if it’s a, you know, whatever. But when it comes to me dating sober now, so I dated for a few months, then I got a girlfriend, cheated on me, dumped me. That was great.
And then, you know, I’ve maintained sobriety through that, through that like pretty traumatic experience, which I was really happy about. And what I will say is that if you are planning the dates sort of around the thought of sobriety being top of funnel there, like you said, so where you propose the daytime date, the walk, the go to a bookstore, the active date, all of these things, you’ll have much better success than
sitting down, you know, I like to do dinner dates, but I can talk to a brick wall. So maybe if you’re not like as outgoing, you know, making sure that you’re putting yourself in the best possible scenario to a not drink, be not be nervous. See, you know, you know, make sure she likes you, right? play to your strengths. I would say in dating for anyone, but especially sober play to your strengths. What do you like to do? I like to go watch movies.
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (30:29.814)
Okay, movies in the park during the summer, right? I like to run or be active. Okay, maybe we go on a walk, then you propose a run for a second date, whatever. And you start sprint training. And then you start sprinting. competitively. Yeah, and then you run away from her or she runs away from you. But I would just say play to your strengths. Overall, that’s like the main point I’m trying to make. Yeah, so why don’t we look at the, what would you say the top five sober dating ideas would be? Okay.
Matcha in a walk or caffeinated beverage in a walk. really like it. I work better when moving and I think conversation can flow really well when you have stuff to observe around you. That’s number one. Number two activity. Something that, you know, makes you either use your brain or use your body. Those are, those are key. I keep going to like back to the mini golf and try Becca is like a really good example.
Number three, dinner. think a dinner, if you feel comfortable sitting with the person opposite you for an hour and a half, eating in front of them and talking, then go for it. I like dinners. Again, I can talk to anyone. And I love going to new restaurants. That’s like kind of something I’ve found in sobriety is to be, you know, one of my hobbies. I love like hospitality and trying new things out. Let’s say you’re a little bit deeper into a relationship. Number four, taking a little day trip. That’s really fun.
you don’t really know someone until you travel with them. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. So make sure, you know, that’s like, that’s moving on. and then number five, how you guys interact in the privacy of your own abodes, you know, is, are the, are the similar interests there when you’re both at your most comfortable, right? whether that is engaging in a television show, whether that’s playing card games, whether that’s
You know, sitting down for a movie, straight up talking, know, intimacy, intimacy, of course, but how you guys interact in a home or domestic setting, I think is important as well. I just gave you the whole relationship cycle really is what I did. I just gave you the first five dates. That’s good. That’s good. What do you think if you were to play devil’s advocate would be the downside of going sober? What are the downsides? The downsides of going sober is you’re going to have a lot more social anxiety and you’re not going to feel inclined to go out.
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (32:55.643)
At least at first. social life, I’m telling you right now, I know it’s kind of sucks, at least for me, your social life will suffer. You will see your friends less. Unless you’ve managed to cultivate a friendship so don’t rely solely on drinking. Exactly. For me, a lot of my relationships were around alcohol. I don’t necessarily don’t want to see these people often, but if you want to see, so when you’re going out, you see wide swaths of people at once. When you’re sober and you don’t want to go out,
It’s a little bit more one on one, right? Interesting. Cause I don’t have a very solid wide group of friends, but I have really strong one on one individual relationships, I have rarely ever drink. I’ve rarely drunk, rarely ever drunk. I’ve rarely gone to the after parties. I’ve rarely gone to festivals with huge groups of people. And every now and again, I bring these random individual people together and it’s a strange combination because
It’s all over the place. I never thought about it that way. It sounds interesting. I was the wide swath, big group guy. I knew everyone that I was hanging out with typically in front of me. And if I didn’t, I’d bring them into the group. I was very friendly and would try to actively meet as many people as I possibly could. You are just straight up not going to see as many people as you once did. And you know what? That is okay because the people who you do want in your life,
you have such stronger relationships with. And those interactions feel much more important. You’re able to listen better. You’re able to speak better, the whole nine. So the one caveat to getting sober is you either, you might lose some friends or you might just not see them as much. But the people you want to see, it’s going to be so much better. We’ve talked about social anxiety before.
Have you found any good tools when you’re in highly stimulating environments that help? Really? Leave. Yeah, you don’t have anything to push you through it? Leave. I, again, play to your strengths, right? I get very overwhelmed now. Got If it’s like a dark, dank bar with music way too loud, where before that was my shit. Now it’s like, I just leave. And,
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (35:19.375)
Let me, let me put something a bit more practical into play though, because I have become, I guess it is. I am comfortable leaving and saying goodbye. I don’t Irish exit. I fucking will say, Hey, sorry, feeling a little anxious. I just want to get out of here. No one says anything. Everyone’s cool. I would say that, but the one thing is, and that’s just like an internal struggle that I deal with. The one thing I will say, and this is more general, everyone is thinking about themselves more than they’re thinking about you.
You may think that within this party, within this music, within everything that’s overwhelming you, that everyone’s looking at you and they’re like, why is, why are they nervous? Why are they awkward? Even though you’re not being awkward and ever, first of all, awkwardness and embarrassment are two made up emotions. You can choose to be both, right? Like you don’t need to be feel embarrassed or awkward simply straight up. So everyone’s thinking about themselves more than they’re thinking about you. So while you may think you’re not performing to the best of your abilities while sober in a party situation,
everyone is just worried about themselves and if they’re going to get laid or if they’re going to meet the person or whatever. And if you’re having too much social anxiety, leave, go get a chopped cheese, go do whatever, man, whatever makes you happy. For me, being out and about used to make me happy, but it was all chemically made. I’ve hated being at clubs sober.
It’s awful. like, I still like a little die bar moment with my friends with the music low, hopefully. and just chatting like that’s fun for me, but I can’t do overwhelming anymore. It’s, it’s, it’s too like mind numbing for me in a way. Over stimulating, overstimulating. There we go. You always got the right words. It’s my job. Well, I wanted to quickly touch on my sober experience, which sounds completely different to yours. I was,
more, I never really drunk a lot, but I did drink a bit. I’ve experienced most things. I smoked meth once. I’ve asked, I’ve accidentally done math many times through bad Molly. Trust me, trust me. It’s happened many times. And I tried a lot and just, it began to become a regular drink. found, I found love in red wine.
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (37:44.846)
That was where I just loved a bottle of red, which I still do. I thoroughly enjoy it. But I noticed I would be drinking a couple of glasses every night. And then I noticed I’d go out for dinner. I’d knock a bottle. Habitual. And it became part of my life experience. And I noticed the hangovers. But I didn’t get too far. I traveled in 2022 and went, came to America and Mexico for four months, drunk a fair bit.
went to Amsterdam for ADE and drunk a bottle of wine every single night. And at the end of it, got a bunch of cold sores because I was run down, my gut was off. And I said to myself, you know what? I said to myself, hey, I’m to take a month when I get back to a little reset and see what I, and then we’ll go, go from there. Got to the end of the month. And then I thought, maybe I’ll get to Christmas. Got to Christmas. I said, maybe I’ll get to February. Got to February. I said, maybe I’ll get through this Thailand trip I was going on.
got through nearly caved actually trips are tough. Dinner with like 20 friends. Yeah. Everyone’s ordering cocktails. I go, fuck it. I’m getting one. And everyone cheered. my God. Yeah, let’s go. And then, but they weren’t pressuring me. And they never were. They just wanted you in the moment with them. Yeah. And then, and then did you get it? of minutes later, I was like, sorry guys. I’m actually out.
Good for you, And then we’re like, OK. Good for you, dude. No one really cared. Yeah, and those are real friends of yours, probably. Yeah, no one cared. And then after I got through that, I was done. I got a year, and then after a year, I was good. Yeah. Two years. The only thing I have done is because I’m in the hospitality and I have a need to be understanding of taste, that I entice things in tiniest amount. Sure. Sure.
Sometimes that’s not breaking. Very, very, very rare. That’s not breaking sobriety. Yeah. Um, dude, good for you for like that, that trip experience, like you said, and it sounds like you were, um, and like you said, an experimenter, you wanted to try everything once, right? I’ll most things at least twice, at least twice. like that. the first time you don’t know.
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (40:01.069)
Yeah. Except for meth, just once. Yeah. Meth is one of those things where you can probably just do it once. you know, because you get cold, you get face sores after the second time. Yeah. And then you’re on Delancey and Essex. Yeah. Just hanging out by that McDonald’s. Just like, yeah, let me get a big bag. Someone get me a big bag. But dude, thank you for telling your story. I didn’t know kind of the evolution of how you do. I mean, how has sobriety really changed who you are in your life? It was a pretty easy shift.
socially, most of my friends don’t care at all. My parents don’t drink. So that was pretty easy. My extended family does. my uncle has a big show about every Christmas with bottles of wine that are very expensive and old. It’s this whole thing. And every couple of years I’ll take a tiny sip.
Shout out Zen, baby. Yes. I need it to concentrate sometimes. helps with that nicotine. Makes me want to vomit though. Yeah, you got to get used to it. I’ve been doing it for like two years now and at the beginning, I have vomited before from them. So a of fun time. it’s been okay. It’s been, I feel the best part about it is, and I think in America it’s been really interesting because the American culture is quite supportive to not drinking.
In Australia, if I say I don’t drink, you get this look like, what do you mean? I wonder if it’s going to make it over to Australia because I think that’s pretty new in America. people like, good on you. There’s less, screw you, but more, OK, cool. Yeah, because we have seen generations of people struggle with addiction here. Beer ads, so in your face all the time.
pharmaceuticals, always in your face, always on commercials, all these things. We’ve seen a lot of our heroes die via drugs. know, my hero, have two tattoos of him, Mac Miller died, you know, of an accidental drug overdose. Do you think it was accidental? I do think it was, like, I think there’s proof that it was accidental. He was, I mean, this is really morbid. He was found in like a praying, near praying position on the edge of his bed.
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (42:27.32)
probably saying, please don’t let me die right now. Cause he had got sold drugs with fentanyl in them. two people actually went to prison for it. So it was definitely accidental. I didn’t realize. Yeah. Yeah. Which is fucking- And it was in New York, wasn’t it? No, LA. LA. Yeah. Studio city. we’ve just, drugs and alcohol and its effects have been in our face since we were born. Right? And again, we’ve seen so many people die because of it, especially recently with the whole fentanyl thing.
Tom Petty, Prince, Michael Jackson died of a drug overdose, all these things. so being knowledgeable of that and seeing it and seeing death like that, and a lot of people have had friends that have overdosed, it makes a lot of sense in our lives to not engage with it or indulge in it as much. there is really this big movement where there’s a lot more scientific research showing how bad alcohol is for you over the long term. And I’m sure...
you guys see all that news in Australia. It’s obviously not a third world country. It’s very ingrained in the culture. Yes. And in America it is, but it’s changing and Australia, could totally. And it’s, know, obviously the UK, you guys are part of the Commonwealth. Yeah. You guys are part of the Commonwealth, right? Like, you know, you go over to the UK and Ireland and it’s, know, you’re in New York, it’s bodega, bodega, bodega. you know, urban places in the UK, it’s pub, pub, pub on the corners. Right. So
It’s a culture thing. And in Australia, I could totally see it honestly changing just with more time, frankly. I don’t know if you think that is actually possible, but. Yeah, I mean, I’m open to it. think some people are fine with the idea, but I’ve noticed on average it’s more skewed towards a bit of Also, being an addict in Australia really expensive? Because you guys got to import everything. It is. And there’s a lot of drug culture in Australia. Right. Like there’s a lot of.
paraphernalia. Like there’s a culture around people going to music festivals and doing these sticks. Have you seen the doof sticks? They’re these people, friend finders at festivals where they make these sticks and these with like a poster on it, something you see to protest. yeah. Sure. Like a banner or something. And they usually just drug paraphernalia. Like
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (44:52.386)
But the art, that’s all people make up drug paraphernalia. interesting. So I’ve played at this festival in Australia and some of the, I did a real and the real went viral. And some of the comments were like that. Did anyone see the cat three, six, five sign? Because there’s a
there’s a betting site called bet three six five. yeah. I’ve seen that on soccer jerseys before. Yeah. So cat three six five. She liked that. Yeah. Sure. And I think in Australian culture, from what I’ve seen in my friends that are Australian, a lot of you guys like deal with like real life things with humor. If you know, I might be mistaken in that, but you know, I think a lot of the drug culture is kind of funny and you know?
Until it’s not and you experience it yourself really, but I can still joke about it.
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (45:51.119)
God, man, that’s great. They’re very creative. Yeah. Yeah. Ketamine girls. That is so good, dude. What else have we got? That is the take on, view on my experience of going sober. And generally I’ve found, and I don’t know if this is just unique to me, but I heard, do you know Sadguru? Do you know Sadguru is?
Sadguru, he’s like a Eastern Indian philosopher guy, meditation teacher, pretty well known in that world. He was talking once and someone asked him why he doesn’t do drugs or drink alcohol. And he said, I’m high all the time. So, hell yeah. His general state is he’s gotten to a point
probably meditation and yoga and practices of whatever practices you’ve undertaken, the way you purchase his diet and everything, where he feels energetically high. He’s probably super happy, content. And then the act of drinking and doing drugs takes him from the high state and puts him into the drug-induced state that isn’t as high. So it’s naturally not.
as it’s not a useful tool to get something out of it. It’s such an unuseful tool. In fact, it works for a few hours. It’s that stealing happiness thing. Works for a few hours and then you’ll never feel lower. You know, if you’ve ever done, it sounds like you probably have ever done ecstasy. There’s the whole thing of like the sad Tuesdays is like what we used to We call it West Gate Wednesdays. There’s a bridge in Melbourne called the West Gate Bridge.
Yeah, you might, you might want to jump over that, you know, or jump off of it. So it’s, and that is like a really good micro example of how, yes, you can be high on these things, but ultimately it will drop you down to depths that you, that you don’t want to be where again, if you live like this, you’re going to have a lot of fun. You’re going to have a lot of sorrow. If you live like this, you’re going to have fun, maybe a little sorrow.
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (48:09.742)
but you’re gonna be feeling nice and good and where you should be at all times or around most times at least. Yeah, yeah. I think that’s a good place to switch gears. So wrapping up on this, what is a lesson you would hope that everyone takes away from the conversation? Use my experience as a grounding mechanism if you’re, if a choice that you wanna make in life and it doesn’t even necessarily have to be sobriety.
but a drastic choice in life that you wanna make and use me as an example. I don’t know if that sounds conceited. It sounds conceited coming out of my mouth, but over the past 16 months that I’ve been sober, my life has gotten infinitely better. It is a complete 180 from what it is. And again, it doesn’t necessarily have to be sobriety. If you wanna make a big job switch, if you wanna do all these things, the leap of faith is good if you have...
been introspective about it and done your research and have a belief in yourself that you can do these things, right? I think self-belief, self-worth and self-awareness are three big avenues that everyone needs to put in the work to go down and find what they really want in life. And I hope that I can be an example in that capacity. There’s a reason I talk about my sobriety a lot. It’s very important to me, but I...
I’m so happy with the life that I’m currently leading that I would hope, you know, people heed what I’m saying and bring it into their own life because ultimately I want everyone to be happy. you know, unlike the current administration and office right now, I just, everything goes back to politics for me. I fucking hate Donald Trump so much, but, you know, maintain like being, it’s just, it always happens, man. Every conversation I have seemingly. you know, that’s, that’s, that’s fun. Right.
But no, man, I could go down a whole rabbit hole, man. yeah, just I, you know, by the way, my DMs are wide open. If you ever want to talk about sobriety, all these things like more than willing to share my story, more than willing to tell you how I’ve done it, what the benefits have been. Obviously there are some cons to it as well, but I’ll leave you guys with this. No one ever regrets betting on themselves, taking that leap of faith.
Metwally — That One Time Podcast (50:32.166)
and no one regrets getting sober. Great. And where can people find you if they’re interested? At Nigel Roxbury on Instagram and TikTok. On Instagram I also have NYC History Hub, which is New York City history. And then follow my show at DumbHotShow where we ask hot people trivia questions. And it’s really fun and funny and we have a blast with it. Great. And my last question is, what do you think the meaning of life is? I think the meaning of life is choosing how to react to what
you can’t control. let’s hope that that’s a positive way. And let’s hope you have a positive reaction to that external stimuli that you can’t control. Great. If you enjoyed the episode, please go to YouTube. Search that one time with Adam Atwally. Click Subscribe, like the video, and leave us a comment. Algorithm, baby. Let’s go. sir. Thanks, Chris. Appreciate you. Thanks for having me, Of course.
