Renee Monaco on EMDR, red flags and real boundaries
Are red flags lazy thinking or smart self-preservation?
I just sat down with Renee Monaco.
NYC artist and creator behind Peach Mango Juice; pottery, cooking, candid dating talk.
In this episode you’ll learn
EMDR after 6 sessions cut intrusive loops; levelled emotions. More at 02:41.
A one-text script to set reply-time boundaries without games. See 26:59.
Acceptance vs pattern-matching: a simple filter to choose partners faster. Start 13:31.
We dive into the details later in the conversation.
Timestamps
00:00 Intro
02:41 The Impact of Therapy on Personal Growth
05:21 Navigating Relationships and Therapy
07:59 Understanding Grief and Its Effects
10:54 The Role of Therapy in Decision Making
13:31 Red Flags in Relationships
16:25 Personal Stories and Life Lessons
24:20 Navigating Boundaries in Friendships
25:36 Dating Apps and Communication
26:59 Texting Etiquette and Expectations
29:16 Red Flags and Green Flags in Dating
30:09 The Dynamics of Paying on Dates
31:45 Lunch Dates vs Dinner Dates
33:05 Social Media Presence and Relationships
33:44 Prenups and Relationship Security
34:47 PDA Preferences in Relationships
35:41 Trust and Privacy in Relationships
37:14 The Smoking Debate
39:04 Attraction and Relationship Dynamics
41:08 The Meaning of Life and Friendship
Listen
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Here’s the full transcript:
Speaker 2 (00:00.044)
Welcome to That One Time with Adam Metwally, the podcast bridging the gap between health, hustle and happiness. We had podcasts for a while in Chelsea, New York City, and I am with Rene Monaco, aka Peach Mango Juice. And we are going to have a fun catch up chat. We are very close friends and this will be a very, very fun, silly, interesting episode.
you
Speaker 1 (00:29.012)
gosh, okay, I’m so stoked, let’s go.
So I want the girl versus guy opinion of is therapy actually a waste of time?
Okay, I mean, I don’t feel like I can give the girl opinion, but I can give my opinion. That is true, but I don’t want to speak on behalf of women.
You’re a and I’m a guy.
Speaker 2 (00:47.426)
Well today, on behalf of all women, it’ll be actually a waste of time.
Don’t put that pressure on me.
I think therapy is, I’ve been in therapy for a really long time. Has it helped? Absolutely, yes. Absolutely, it has helped. I think it depends on the person and it depends on finding a good therapist. I mean, I’m in DBT therapy and so for me it’s really important. DBT is diabetic.
Do you want to see me too?
Speaker 1 (01:22.292)
Dark Bolligle, Bad Girl. Yes. So it’s not so much just
Dialectical behavior therapy.
Intense emotions. Do have intense emotions?
I do have intense emotions. I’m a girl who feels a lot. Yeah. Or nothing. And has been through a lot. And so I was looking for, I didn’t need a yes man or I didn’t need someone who was always on my side telling me that I was right. I was more looking for reading techniques and ways to handle my emotions and go through them day to day. And it’s made a, I think it’s made a really big difference. Yeah. I mean, I think it’s really important to have someone to talk to.
And I feel like a lot of the times we exhaust our friends and we don’t want to burn out our friends. They’re there for us. But a lot of the times it is the blind leading the blind. And you want to be able to be really unfiltered and be honest. And it’s even hard to be honest with a therapist. But if you find the right one, it makes a difference. I feel very lucky.
Speaker 2 (02:24.362)
How long did it take for you to actually be like, this is working?
Today. So today I was- years have you done this? Well, no, therapy has been good for me in so many ways. I started therapy in 2018. Or no, 2019. Six years ago. Yeah. And then I stopped for maybe three years. And then I started again. And it took me a second to find the right therapist. And I really looked. And today, though, I’ve been doing
So seven years again.
Speaker 1 (02:58.592)
EMDR therapy? Yeah. I always want to call it EDM therapy, it’s a different kind of therapy.
It is I movement desensitize, desensitize, fuck, desensitization and reprocessing where you’re like that.
So I’ve just been going through all of my trauma this summer, like once a week, just reliving every traumatic experience. But I do feel like much more level headed and I don’t feel like my emotions are as in control of me, which is really, really nice.
Yeah, for anyone that doesn’t know, it’s basically the idea of it is that you relive a memory, you think about a memory and then you do this like left to right eye movement for a few minutes. I don’t know how long I haven’t done it yet personally, but
and you hold these vibration plates. So I hold the vibration plates when I do it. I don’t do the eye one and.
Speaker 2 (03:49.9)
I’m going
Speaker 2 (03:54.658)
and it lowers the intensity of the memory for some weird reason.
Yeah, I question it. just do it. But I realized that so these traumatic experiences, this like PTSD would replay in my head constantly and constantly and constantly. So I was like, might as well relive it with a vibration plate. It’s going on like 24 seven in my head anyway. And I do feel like I don’t think about it as much. Like I do feel like a lot better and there’s still a long way to go.
I’m just fine.
Speaker 1 (04:27.434)
It was, it’s been really helpful. first I was like, this is the worst thing ever. I can’t believe I’m doing this. Like I’m, this is awful. And now this is probably my sixth session and I’m like,
Look at that. Yeah. I did another podcast with a singer called Andy Darling and she spoke about it very highly. that’s between that and a book I read and now talking to you, I’m starting to do it soon.
But I don’t think therapy is good for everyone if they’re not ready to face it. Like I would never encourage someone to go to therapy who doesn’t want to go on their own because it can be really hard to look at yourself in the mirror and go through everything. And sometimes it could put you in a worse place. So it’s really up to you and you know yourself better. You know yourself, you know what can make you fall apart and what can build you up. So.
Well, most people don’t know themselves. That’s not the problem. What did you find made a good therapist when you’re looking for it?
I think someone who isn’t a yes person, someone who doesn’t always tell you that you’re right and is on your side and can tell you, you hey girl, no one’s using the word crazy, but who can be like, yeah, no, that was wrong. And this is how we can move forward and not make those mistakes again.
Speaker 2 (05:35.415)
so crazy.
Speaker 2 (05:49.165)
or they fly
I don’t have experience in that though. don’t know. That would be crazy.
No, that would be crazy. That would be crazy. Well, my opinion on this is I started doing therapy when I, like took me a while to get into it. I felt like I should do it. I didn’t get around to doing it for ages. And then I did it late 2018. But it was really helpful to begin with just to kind of frame going from no understanding of how my like the history of my mind and the history of my experiences have shaped the way I make decisions.
to having a bit of a map of what the hell’s going on was really helpful. But then I found I plateaued for a really long time and I was just kind of going through the motions.
So did you go for like soul searching, like kind of more understanding yourself?
Speaker 2 (06:38.678)
It was more like there were also identified some pretty rough experiences throughout my time that I would really react to and was still very emotionally charged like 10 years later. And I was like, there’s probably something in this that I need to work through. to begin with, it was really, really good. And then I also noticed that I think I would have made some better relationship decisions if I’d gotten onto therapy early. And I probably would be still with a girl that I am not.
with, well, you know, we broke up in 2020, but I probably would still be with her if I had done therapy, say a year earlier, and it had changed. It would have no doubt changed some of my decision making pathways. But 100 % I can 100 % guarantee that.
So do you think she’s the one that got away? She’s only one. anyone.
Well, I mean, I’m not going to be like, that’s
But do you look for her in like every girl?
Speaker 2 (07:32.95)
Speaker 2 (07:43.342)
Yes, well, let me think about that for a second. I wouldn’t say I look for her in every girl, but that was the first time where I’m like, okay, so this is a type of person that I think is going to work the best with me. So I know like how I’m meant to feel in that relationship, how I’m meant to feel like attractiveness, you how attracted to them I am, how I’m meant to feel just like in their company. like, at least that’s kind of the baseline. The standard, yeah. It’s like, this is enough for me.
standard.
created that standard.
This is enough for me to be like, this can work. But anything below that, I know it probably won’t work. But enough I’m just being also like closing the door and stuff, different things that could also be.
Probably. I think it’s good to experience a lot of different types of people, but we’re very different in that way.
Speaker 2 (08:31.374)
Yeah, I’ve experienced enough. I’ve seen some shit.
Yeah, I mean, I started therapy for grief, which is an important aspect. Like I went into therapy every time I’ve started therapy. It’s been because specifically because of grief every time I’ve gone back.
Yeah, well, I guess the second thing I was going to say of my opinion of the therapy side of things and why I’m starting to think maybe it isn’t that worth pursuing anymore is I think it’s great for the foundation. Like I’ve built the basic foundations of a bit of a framework from what my brain is doing and how my experiences map to my brain. I haven’t tried the EDMR thing yet, so maybe my opinion will shift, but I’m starting to...
really try and listen, trying to internalize my decision making into what feels right. coming off the back of the idea that I have all the answers inside of me, I just have to listen to them. As opposed to having to externalize my decision making to like a therapist or my friends.
Well, I think they teach that to therapists that the patient has all of the answers they already know. So they’re just trying to guide you and get you there. So you guys are actually on the same page.
Speaker 2 (09:50.254)
Yeah, I’m getting to a point now where I’m like, I’ve done enough. I’ve read enough self-help books.
Sometimes you gotta just live and not think about yourself so much. The answer is just not thinking about yourself that much. Not even just being so busy, just not being so self-obsessed. I mean, I really suggest therapy for grief. Like, I regret not doing therapy the first time grief entered my life and really like impacted my life. I should have gone to therapy then.
So busy that you don’t have to think.
Speaker 2 (10:12.045)
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:23.726)
Well, what would you have done? How could you? Okay, let’s just, let’s How could the version of you in that moment that wasn’t able to get the therapy? What is there anything you could have said to that person to go to be the catalyst to actually get you moving?
Okay, yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:39.906)
I mean, I was 16 and my cousin, who I was close, super close to died tragically in a car accident. And I was in high school and it was announced over. He went to an all boys high school. I went to an all girls high school that were like, they were like sibling schools and they like announced it. And that was brutal. That’s the first time you heard? No, I heard the night before. And then I went to school the next day.
That’s kind of weird.
And they, well, they announced it to make a prayer. was like an all girls Catholic school. So they like made a prayer and everyone knew him and their fan, our families and everything like that. And I ended up, that’s when I started having some anger and authority issue, not issues, but like a little bit of anger and authority. You know, I threw a desk at a girl because she,
She said something about my cousin that passed away that was rude. so I threw my desk at her. even, and I was in religion class and even my religion teacher, she didn’t even give me a detention. was just like, I mean, whatever. But I think that going to therapy would have just helped like having someone to talk to about those emotions because as a family, when you’re grieving together as a family, we’re all grieving. We all are grieving differently.
grooves differently.
Speaker 1 (12:10.522)
and we’re grieving as a family and it’s a really painful loss. And then you’re just like back in the routine of things and going to school and you love someone so much. And it’s really like you have all this love and where does it go? And mine went to a desk and a girl and she wasn’t hurt. No one was hurt by it. But, know, I think that that could have helped.
Okay, well yeah, how would you have been able to get there in that moment?
think it was as much of a thing then. in high school, our guidance counselor, I think she had tried to, she tried to talk to me and I would just go in there and I would just cry for like the entire time. I couldn’t get a word out. And then that was it. then, but that was it. It wasn’t, she had an incredible spray tan, this woman.
It was the first spray tan that I’ve like really seen that was like, she was orange, but she had good intentions.
Do you remember the first time you ever stole something? What happened?
Speaker 1 (13:22.04)
Yes. I was at Kids R Us or Kit, it’s Cut-Rate, no, I was at Cut-Rate Toys in Chicago and I accidentally walked out with a pencil sharpener and I went back crying and I was like, I didn’t mean to walk out with a pencil sharpener and I was like seven and I was just a wreck. was in tears. I really didn’t mean to take it outside. And he was like, you can keep it. It’s okay. And I was just like, I don’t even want it.
I can’t handle it. So yeah. Damn. And that was the first and last time I stole something.
I’ve been a chronic thief.
Well, the first, no, no, it was just like a fear thing. the first, the first time, this is crazy. This is a really fucked story actually. So I was, I think seven or eight. I’m gonna set the story for you. My parents get divorced when I’m eight. And then I move in with my mom who is majorly depressed, just had a second child and just
really sad.
Speaker 2 (14:30.318)
barely gets out of bed. Dad was basically like, spending, didn’t have a job, was spending majority of her money between like the, what do you call it? The custody battle with my dad. And then just like, I don’t know, whatever else, but she didn’t work. And she was like raising a child. She was raising like a newborn and me. So we didn’t have much. We didn’t have like much food.
We had the basics. I never starved, but it was very, very basic. I’m sorry. No, it’s just what it is. But I would go to school and I would have a Vegemite sandwich and an apple. And that’s all I had for food. And then I’d be watching... All the kids had these elaborate lunch boxes of fun treats and chips.
you know, all this stuff. And then I started.
when people are in class going through the bags of some kids and taking their snacks and eating their snacks, which is crazy. I still do it with my roommates. But then I replace it. If I ever eat something of my roommates now, I replace it two times. Yeah. that was, that was what was, was stole from somebody else because I wanted what
really sad.
Speaker 1 (16:05.794)
Okay.
They had and I was jealous of that. wasn’t hungry. was just like, wanted the fun snacks and then I got caught. I don’t remember what happened, but my mom got brought in and the teachers were like, yeah, so you’ve been doing this. And I felt bad. I felt really embarrassed. But I think that was the first time I remember stealing. Wow. Yeah, I’m wild, so.
Yeah, I feel terrible. I want to give you a hug.
And that’s OK. It’s all right. Yeah.
Do you treat yourself to snacks now?
Speaker 2 (16:41.326)
I went through a phase where I really overdid it. I ended up moving in with my dad at 14. And my dad was an engineer at his business. He was just like, get whatever you want at the supermarket. So I went through a phase from 14 to 18, which was also just as unhealthy, gorging on food. I did a whole packet of fruit bars and whole packets. And I kind of have that habit now. I can’t stop. I really struggle to stop.
when there’s like snacks in the fridge. Cause it’s like been ingrained in my brain from such an early age. But yeah, sometimes I’m getting better with it, yeah, that was really, that was, it’s been a whole like whirlwind or like whole roller coaster from this like having nothing to having so much and just like this yo-yo back and forth. Anyway, so that was that. Apparently got almost kidnapped in China.
Yeah, so basically what happened was that I was there as a shoe designer and our company didn’t pay one of the factories and the threat was that they knew I was coming and that they had sent people out to jump me and they wanted me to work out of the hotel room and I was like, I flew economy 18 hours and drove overnight with a stranger into China and I want to work like I need to get things done.
and they wanted me to stay at this hotel that was, it’s like known for being haunted and it’s a creepy hotel and I just did not want to stay there. And they wouldn’t tell me why and they finally told me it’s because like a supplier was a factory wasn’t paid and they’re threatening to send like people to jump you. And I was like, I would rather potentially get jumped than be in this haunted hotel. Let’s go.
to the office, I am not scared and I’m ready to fight. And they were like, are you sure? And I was like, I can’t, I didn’t come here. want to, I also, I have work I need to get done. I have to deliver and I’m not going to let some men threatening, threaten me, mess up my work, like put me behind and like, what, then I get fired?
Speaker 2 (18:52.596)
My life versus shareholder value.
Yeah, I was like, what’s happening? So then I went and I got really low and my coworkers huddled around me and we got up there. But I mean, they knew that I was the American arriving. So they were, I guess, you know, waiting for me, but I snuck up there. I don’t know. We snuck in and I’m not sure. I was fine though. Snuck out. A fire alarm went off and I stayed in the building. was just like, nope. I’m feeling a set up. I’m like, I’m just going to stay up here.
get out.
Speaker 2 (19:23.79)
it’s such a wild random story. Just quickly though, I love doing this podcast. If it’s positively impacted you in some way and you would like to support us, please subscribe. By subscribing, it allows us to build a much bigger base of listeners, which results in better guests, better production, and a better show overall. Alternatively, please take a look at the affiliate links of the products that I use and love in the comments below.
and consider purchasing using those links. They’ll give you a discount and they’ll also provide the podcast a small kickback. These are two very easy ways for you to support us as we continue to grow the podcast that we absolutely love doing. Thank you for your support and now back to the episode. Is it a red flag if... Now you have an opinion on red flags. Let’s talk about it.
Okay, I don’t like to, okay, I think that you should radically accept people. I don’t believe in red flags. I think that people are who they are and you either accept them for who they are or you don’t, but I don’t think it’s cool to be like.
that’s not, I don’t like that about you. I like that about you. That’s a red flag, green flag. It’s just like we’re people and we’re very complicated people. And it also makes it seem like there’s not room for growth or mistakes. And we’re full of mistakes and growth. And that’s what makes us human. And that’s what makes us lovable. And so I just also am not someone who’s judgmental. So I don’t like the idea of judging someone. And I don’t like the idea of them judging me, even though I accept it because I’m a, I mean, I get judged all the time.
Okay, well, I agree with you on that. Let me cook. Let me cook. I agree with you on parts of what you’re saying. don’t need to judge people for like, you do whatever the hell, like this person shows up the way they’re showing up. But also,
Speaker 1 (21:02.604)
You know.
Speaker 1 (21:06.862)
Something you really need? Hold on.
Speaker 1 (21:14.414)
Okay, that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (21:24.92)
Personally, I only have so many hours in the day. I only have room for so many people that I can have in my friendship group. I only have room for one relationship, right? So at some point, I think the point of a lot of red flags is they are pattern matching tools to understand quickly how, you you see somebody that has ABCDEFG behavior sets.
And you go, it’s 70 or 80 % chance that this person is like this. And that’s just how we are wired as humans to recognize patterns. And you can’t be friends with everybody. yeah, and you sometimes need to self-preserve. If you notice some stuff about somebody that you’re like, this is going to potentially be problematic because I’ve seen this before, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. But where it gets a little weird and cooked is like,
It’s a red flag if he has a cat or calls his mom every night. Just like some of that stuff is just like chill.
I just don’t like to look at people’s flaws. I don’t like to... No, yeah, I mean, I don’t see them as flaws. I think we’re like labeling them as flaws and they’re not necessarily flaws. They’re just maybe things we don’t want in a partner. But I don’t know. just don’t... I just radically accept people for who they are. And if they have that flaw, then it’s part of what makes them them. And I love them for that.
What if you’re in the process of finding out whether you do love them for that and like you don’t know and then you’ve got a list?
Speaker 1 (23:03.511)
I just, I like, I’m okay.
then what gives you the decision making criteria to actually like bring someone into your life? You have to have some framework of like,
Of course I have framework. It’s just, and I know what works for me and what doesn’t, but
Now just name them red flags. Same thing. So.
I guess you could just name them Red Flags. Okay, I would just rather take the time to get to know someone first. Okay, go. I don’t know. Let’s just do it.
Speaker 2 (23:32.526)
Red flag of whether a girl has a lot of guy friends.
Okay, I don’t think that’s a red flag and I don’t understand. I don’t really understand that because you’re my friend. So am I.
you’re a red flag. love you. This is a red flag. If I was coming into this as an outsider looking to date you, I would and I saw how many like tall handsome funny attractive like interesting men you were close friends with I’d be like bro.
Well, I feel like that’s maybe an insecurity on your part. Like, it’s intimidating. I don’t want to be with someone who’s insecure. So it would be a red flag to me that you wouldn’t be OK with me having tall, attractive guy friends because I would be OK with you having gorgeous girlfriends, which you do have. And I know all of your gorgeous girlfriends and I love them and it wouldn’t intimidate me at all.
part of most men.
Speaker 2 (24:33.41)
Yeah, I think you’re the exception to the rule in that situation because...
It would be a red flag to me if you couldn’t have a relationship with a beautiful woman and not have sex with her. That would be a red flag to me that you couldn’t have a friendship that wasn’t, that temptation wasn’t always there, that you couldn’t just respect a beautiful person in your life and not try to sleep with them.
What if, what if like you’ve slept with people and then eventually you’ve just defaulted to friendship? And then, so the person that you’re dating is navigating between is this girl a friend friend or is this like a friend he’s slept with and now they’re just friends? And that, that I feel like fucks with people’s head a little bit.
I don’t think so. think again, it’s a confidence thing. think if anything, it should make you feel more secure that like, okay, they tested the waters. It wasn’t for them. Now they know. Like it doesn’t, it doesn’t intimidate me. I’ve dated guys who have, they’ve told me that they’ve slept with these friends or they’ve like had a fling or not even slept with, but like make out or there was something there and now they’re just friends. And I understand that. And I’m like, yeah, I have friends like that too. And that’s okay. Now we know it’s also just like,
discipline and
Speaker 2 (25:45.422)
People don’t have self-control.
So, okay, so a lot of the times discipline, best first like first step to discipline is not necessarily needing discipline and just like removing it from your removing it. You’re not going to go to like who goes to I mean, people do it, but like, imagine me like, I’m going to do like a diet and I need to do strict diet, but I’m going to put 100 block like bars of chocolate in my in my cupboard, but I’m going to have the discipline to never touch them. Yeah.
address.
Speaker 1 (26:01.816)
No,
Speaker 2 (26:19.105)
No!
But you should have that discipline. The whole point of the discipline. You’re not disciplined if you don’t have the temptation there. Being disciplined is having the temptation and not acting.
The wisdom of the whole situation.
Speaker 2 (26:31.246)
Maybe the wisdom of it is that you can avoid the situation in the first place by not buying the chocolate.
Absolutely, but the chocolate isn’t a person that you have a connection with and isn’t a friend like you.
connection with my chocolate. I love chocolate.
So good.
That’s, does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (26:50.478)
It makes sense, but people and food are two different things. So I disagree. I just, I don’t know. I value my friendship so much that I wouldn’t exile someone just because they’re just because we had slept together and we’ve decided to be friends. don’t really understand. Like we’ve made that decision. We have boundaries. can both respect those boundaries because we’re adults.
Sometimes you can have
Speaker 2 (27:17.774)
But what if they can’t respect those boundaries and they continually attempt to try and sleep with you?
you keep your boundaries high and you give them, you tell them, if you don’t respect this boundary that we agreed on, then X, Y, and Z, then we have to take space or then we can’t hang out anymore. But if you’re two people respecting boundaries, then it shouldn’t be a problem.
Okay, next one. You’ve been seeing each other for two months and they still have the dating apps downloaded. Red flag. okay.
Well, it depends if you talked about it or not. mean, if you’ve had the conversation, well then it’s a green flag. You haven’t talked about it. You should probably talk about it. It’s an opportunity to talk about it.
I talked about it.
Speaker 2 (27:58.318)
Okay. Talk about it. Yeah, I agree with that.
You know, because otherwise maybe they haven’t deleted it because you haven’t deleted it or you just haven’t had the conversation. Or maybe they just don’t go on it. I have all the dating apps and I don’t actively go on them, but they’re on my phone. And if someone I was dating was like, hey, do you mind deleting them? I’d be like, it right now. Absolutely no problem. Thank you for saying something to me.
Can you go back and delete the whole account, not just
Yeah, no that’s fine and I would.
takes eight hours to reply to texts. they’re just grinding, they’re working hard. You can trust them as much as the world, but they just don’t text well. at end of the day, they’re texting you.
Speaker 1 (28:47.488)
The hardest working men that I’ve dated text me back the quickest. And that’s so true. mean, I, I’m, I’m a bad texter. So I’m the person. You’ve gotten lucky, but like it’s usually everyone’s on their phone. So it’s like a two second thing. And I think you would just communicate that, Hey, I’m not great at texting during these hours. I’ll text you later. It’s all just direct communication. It shouldn’t be a game of like,
I think I’ve gotten lucky.
Speaker 1 (29:15.726)
sorry, I didn’t text you or you should just communicate. Hey, I don’t text between these hours. Yeah. And I’ll call you after. And then if that person’s okay with it, then they are. And if they’re not, then they’re not.
And I am in 10B.
Speaker 2 (29:30.67)
Yeah, I’ve come to this conclusion on this recently where I’m like, some like texting for logistics. I’m like instant, but texting to just chat. I really kind of hate and I don’t really want to do it. So I’m like slow to text for just like, how are you? What’s going on? Like, let’s catch up. It’s like, I have shit to do. like if
I only like that if I like the person.
And like if you need me and we need to work something out and I’m keeping you waiting, I’ll try to be really prompt on that. But I’ve become I’ve really deprioritized just conversational texting because my DMs are fucking full of shit. My like texts are probably 40 texts I just haven’t replied to today. I’ve been off my phone for four hours. You know what I mean? And it’s a lot.
Yeah, I guess it just depends if you’re interested in the person or not. mean,
Even if I’m interested, if I don’t have to directly deal with some logistical thing or solve some problem in that moment, it doesn’t get prioritized until I’m like, because right now, what am I meant to do? Like I’ve been here, I’ve been on another podcast.
Speaker 1 (30:26.008)
You would just let someone you know that like you’re podcasting or you call them later, but it’s all about the phone call. I love a phone call. Call me.
Yeah, fun calls crazy.
Red or green flag replies instantly to text all the time.
Green flag, green flag, text me back. Love it. Love it. Blow me up. my favorite thing. Because out of sight, out of mind. Really? Absolutely.
What about texting you, Consul?
Speaker 2 (30:46.377)
You
Speaker 2 (30:52.43)
Savage, welcome to New York Dating.
Well, no, it’s just like we have so many things going on in our lives and it’s just like some people I feel like we play the nonchalant game and we think like distance makes the heart grow fonder and sometimes it doesn’t for me.
just makes you not exist in their mind.
Well, no, people don’t not exist to me. just other people might be blowing up my phone and taking taking the heads.
the headspace. So imagine if you had split headspace and you had a partner and then split headspace between 20 other men.
Speaker 1 (31:25.39)
I really don’t text. I really like am interested in one person at a time.
Yeah, that’s crazy.
I don’t like to have my toe in like three different places. I like- No. have a little taste of it. No, that’s crazy. A little seafood, little No, I want a gourmet meal. One steak is on the menu. It’s the best steak. It’s endless steak. I want endless steak. I don’t need to try the seafood platter. I’m good.
buffet is where you can...
Speaker 2 (31:56.927)
was the split bill on the first date.
I haven’t had a situation where someone has asked me to split the bill on a date. So I don’t know. No.
If a girl offers to the bill on the first date, massive green flag, huge green flag.
Just because she offered or because you want her to pay? You say yes. You so say yes. You don’t say yes.
I don’t really I mean, I don’t say, but the offer in itself is a nice gesture.
Speaker 1 (32:29.102)
I I always say thank you. I always put my hand over my heart and say thank you so much because it’s sweet.
It’s scarred. I’m scarred by the like the group chats of girls going out on dates seven days a week to like get fed like that whole concept.
I don’t think it’s a whole New York concept. think some people do that because they need to and that option is there. also kind of know what you are able to tell their intentions if they’re actually interested in you or not.
Alright, one, two,
Speaker 2 (32:55.95)
How can you tell?
Speaker 2 (33:01.048)
Teach me.
But a lot of it has to do with like who’s reaching out, who’s telling you to like, oops, sorry. Like, you know, who’s making the reservation, who’s putting in the effort and who’s planning the date. If they’re planning the date, if you’re planning a date, you don’t know me, you don’t know my income, you don’t know my situation and you’re planning this date, you’re ordering the food, you’re taking some control, then I expect you to follow through, which would be to also.
pay for the date at the end because you’ve gone this far and haven’t included me and now you want me to be included? That’s crazy. Absolutely not. And of course all of the effort like money wise, there’s a, there is a net. I’m sorry. All the effort money wise with like getting ready and things like that. The Uber there, unless they get you an Uber there, that’s always nice. The Uber back, all of that kind of stuff. just depends. I personally like.
$400 a
It depends on the date that you plan. doesn’t have to be like.
Speaker 2 (34:06.316)
And if you go out for a coffee with a girl in the city, they’re like, why would I go? Why would I find you a romantic partner? You’ve just taken me on a coffee date.
It depends like what they want and what they’re looking for. No, I don’t think that everyone wants free food. I think that’s a big blanket statement. I mean, the best first date that I’ve gone, the two first dates that I’ve gone on that have led to relationships have been lunch. And like that really works for me. Inviting me to a romantic dinner the first night, I’m most likely going to say no to because I’m so, it’s too intimidating for me. It’s just a lot, it’s a lot of time. I feel like it’s,
an interview a lot of the times and I just, don’t know if I like you off the bat. So like to say yes to a sit down dinner with you is a lot for me. A lunch is so chill. It’s in the daytime. I can leave. got things to do after like I have an out and lunch is great and lunch is inexpensive. So I would suggest go to lunch. Hot tip.
What about splitting the bill on the fourth day?
Again, no one has asked me to split this bill, so I don’t know.
Speaker 2 (35:14.974)
I mean I’ve come into Arla, you’ve just been fading me constantly.
I feed people. I mean, I, yeah, that is so true. Like I really do take care of my friends and I feed my friends. especially if I’m making content, which I don’t typically do if I’m, well, in the beginning, that’s the whole thing. But like I make food for my friends, I invite them over and I pay for it and I don’t ask for them to pay for it. And so I wouldn’t, so.
It’s just kind of a thing. don’t ask my friends to split coffee. If I grab my friend a coffee, I’m not like, hey, can you Venmo me for the coffee? I just get the coffee. And then if I go on a date, they usually pay for the day and I’m really nice. And I say, thank you so much. And that’s that. And if it goes somewhere, I’ll make you a steak one day probably. So like no big deal. And if you want to buy the steak though, you can.
Red flag, favorite breakfast is Fruit Loops. Green flag.
I dated a guy who loves cereal. Big cereal guy. He’s obsessed with cereal. I’m not going to judge you over your breakfast choices, but, you know, fruit loops. He’s a fruity guy. He’s a fruity guy. Hey, if he likes fruit, he might like me. So I’m not mad about that.
Speaker 2 (36:30.903)
fruit again.
Speaker 2 (36:35.554)
He has no social media.
Green flag. Green flag for sure. For sure. But both are green flags, you know? It depends on the social media, honestly.
is chronically online.
Like, is he funny? Like, he’s like, just a meme guy? He’s chronically online? Probably a red flag.
Okay. Once you decide to prenup.
Speaker 1 (37:00.718)
Green flag, I think that’s fine. It’s just like, so I know it would probably make me feel better knowing that I have an escape plan and what that escape plan looks like. Like I’m very stoic. So I need to know. I was raised to be stoic. Like my mother is very stoic. it’s always, and my mom, so my mom’s really stoic and she always told me it’s good to like have a prenup and it’s just too.
have that peace of mind that you know if something were to hit the fan that you know what the next steps would be and what it would look like and it wouldn’t be this big mystery.
Yeah, fair. Hates PDA.
Kind of a green flag. Really? You know, I’m not like a big PDA person. Maybe I’m the red flag. I feel like I’m just outing myself. Well, no, PDA is fine. It’s just like time and place. also PDA is great if I’m in a committed relationship with the person. Yeah. they’re in a committed relationship but hates PDA. I mean, I don’t think everyone needs to see you like all over each other, but there should be like, you should.
Give me the relationship at Heads PDA.
Speaker 1 (38:08.908)
Whatever makes you comfortable, feel like it’s really between the two people.
doesn’t let you have their phone password.
You know, my ex gave me his phone password like the first week we started dating. He was just like, here’s my phone password, go through it anytime. And I trusted him so much. I was just like, okay. And then I never went through his phone because I was like, well, I have his password. I don’t need to. And then I had an ex who did not give anyone their phone password. And it was like being near their phone was very triggering for them. And there were definitely some things on that phone that
led to a breakup. So it just, it just depends. I would give anyone my phone password though. I give everyone my phone password actually. I always tell people because I have nothing to hide. I mean, if you want to look and you see something you don’t like that’s on you, you’re taking that chance, but I’m going to give you the opportunity, but I’m not going to hide anything. So a lot of the times I don’t want to look at someone’s phone because I don’t want to hurt myself. Like that’s also the big part of it.
doesn’t share their location with anybody. Really? Hate location sharing. Hate location sharing. Hate it. The only reason why I turned on my location, there’s that bug, the only reason I turned on my location for the first time ever was when I road trip from LA to New York by myself in a van. And I like, I should probably give some people my location. And then I forgot about it for ages. And then Joe and everyone started using my location to like, to like see me.
Speaker 1 (39:16.078)
Green flag. Absolutely.
You hate it?
Speaker 2 (39:42.016)
And then, well, and then I turned it off and I started getting yelled at.
You do that to me.
Yeah, no, me too. I’ve gotten yelled at for that too, but I turned it off for everyone. When my ex and I broke up, I turned off my location for like everyone instead of just for them because that felt like a lot. And I was like, you know what? Turn it off. And then my sister called me like yelling at me. She was like, how dare you? I like, I’m sorry.
Yeah, I don’t like it. I think it’s
So my mom and my sister have my location and I think that’s all that.
Speaker 2 (40:09.326)
Fair enough. So I’ve been thinking about taking up smoking. Have you heard about this?
Cool.
No, are you serious smoking cigarettes weed? I’ll hear you. I’ll have an open mind
So this is my theory, Native Americans have been smoking tobacco for years, right? For centuries. And they’re all fine, right? I’m sure. Maybe tobacco is actually not that bad for you. It’s all the chemicals in the like modern cigarettes that are really bad for you. So and then I came across American spirit and I was like, this is 100 % organic. It must be fine. So I was like to myself, maybe I’ll start smoking again, but just organic cigarettes and just for fun every now and again.
My thoughts are that what’s good about smoking cigarettes is that you’re basically breathing. like I, when I was like going through a really difficult time and I was having a bad panic attack and I was in public, I would like go outside and have a cigarette. And it does like ground you for a couple of seconds to like breathe in and breathe out. It’s better to not breathe toxins in, but you know.
Speaker 1 (41:18.69)
pick and choose. And I think it’s nice to have like socially to like everyone go outside and have a cigarette, have a little break. I don’t think it’s the worst thing. Obviously addiction is real and lung cancer is real.
Do you get more lung cancer because you have chemicals in the cigarettes or is it the tobacco?
I am not a doctor or a scientist, so I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure it’s not good for you. But I think anything in small doses is fine. It’s really all about having discipline and self-control. You know, if you want to start smoking, go for it, but don’t start to vape. That is a red flag.
actually can’t, I don’t think I could date somebody who like vapes regularly. There’s people that just like lie, they wake up and the vape is next to them and the first thing they do is go
Yeah, I dated someone who their vape first thing in the morning, if they didn’t have their vape right away, it was just like the worst.
Speaker 2 (42:21.102)
Yeah, crazy.
The person is so attractive that you’re okay with the vaping. That’s usually how that goes.
So I can’t get away with that kind of stuff.
I just can’t encourage you as a friend to pick up vaping right now. I don’t think it would benefit you, but I wouldn’t judge you if you did, but I wouldn’t encourage it. I would hope it was just.
What you’re saying is I’m not hot enough to be able to have a bad vaping
Speaker 1 (42:48.844)
No, that’s not what I’m saying. But for me, the person that I was dating had a million green flags, that the one red flag was, you know, not a big deal.
I saw this funny meme where it was like, I don’t want to have a boyfriend where anyone ever has to think, I want my boyfriend to be so hot that no one ever has to think that maybe he’s funny.
Speaker 1 (43:20.782)
Cool. mean, yeah. mean, wait, what? For sure. So yeah, I mean, a lot of people care about what other people think of their boyfriend. I mean, I think like the boyfriends I’ve had are pretty hot. I mean, you should be really attracted to your boyfriend or girlfriend. I would say so for sure.
But what about the Friends to Lovers arc? Doesn’t that like, if there was like insane attraction, wouldn’t you be already at lovers?
My favorite.
Speaker 1 (43:47.084)
Yum.
Speaker 2 (44:12.706)
If you’re not, and I hear about like girls mainly being like, I wasn’t attracted to this guy and then I like got attracted to them over time.
that’s cool too. I don’t know that hasn’t really happened to me. I’m not sure. But like usually I acknowledge that someone’s really attractive and then I’m like but I just want to be friends because that’s what I need right now and then if that changes that changes.
Oh, okay. Well, wrapping up, you want to keep talking? Is there anything exciting at the moment that you want to let the listeners in on that’s happening in your life?
Yeah
Speaker 1 (44:46.434)
Yes, I don’t know what it is, but I know it’s going to be amazing. So you just have to stay tuned. I don’t know what’s coming, but I know it’s going to be really big and exciting. But you can always rely on more pottery and steak videos on my page. lot of cooking coming your way. lot of peach mango juice in your life. so much juice. So much peach mango juice. just going to throw your way and you’re going to
Love it. And where can people find you if they’re interested? And what can they do next if they want to learn more?
okay, you can follow me on Instagram at Peach Mango Juice. You can email me, peachmangoujuice at gmail.com, and you can check out my website where I sell my art, www.peachmangoujuice.com.
Give us a wink at the end of that. And last question for you is, what do think the meaning of life is?
I think the meaning of life is to love people deeply. So I think the meaning of life is to just really appreciate your friends and love them deeply and love everyone around you and to just see the beauty in your friendships and really like having moments with your friends and smiling with your friends and laughing with your friends is really the meaning of life. Nice. And you only need one friend.
Speaker 2 (46:06.86)
Yeah.
Me, I’m your friend.
No red flags, no judgements, just vibes.
Yeah, your friend should be someone that, I mean, I have a very judgmental friend who I don’t judge, who I love, and that’s you. And then you have me, who doesn’t judge you. Exactly.
So we balance each other out. Nice, nice. All right. Thank you, Renee. Appreciate you coming on.
Speaker 1 (46:30.46)
my gosh, thanks for having me. I can’t believe it.
So fun. And if you’ve made it this far, please go to YouTube, search that one time with Adam Metwally, click subscribe, like the video and leave us a comment. Let us know if you like this style of episode as well.
Yeah, let me know if you like me.
Yeah, her validation, she needs validation to feel.
You at me? I’m scared.
